Guy makes an appointment to see his ex-girlfriend who’s a dentist for a checkout. She puts him under and proceeds to pull out ALL of his teeth. He discovers it when he wakes up apparently and now its all over the news.

Moral of the story: don’t go to your ex for a tooth checkup!

A guy walks into the bedroom carrying a sheep in his arms and says, “Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache.”

The wife, laying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says, “If you weren’t such an idiot, you’d know that’s a sheep, not a cow.”

The guy replies, “If you weren’t such a presumptuous bitch, you’d realize I was talking to the sheep.”

Th e rabbi asks if they have any last questions
before they leave.

The man asks,
“Rabbi, we realize it’s tradition
for men to dance with men,
and women to dance with women at the reception.
But, we’d like your permission to dance together,
like the rest of the world.”

“Absolutely not,” says the rabbi.
“It’s immodest.
Men and women always dance separately.”

“So after the ceremony
I can’t even dance with my own wife?”

“No,” answered the rabbi.
“It’s forbidden.”

“Well, okay,” says the man,
“What about sex?
Can we finally have sex?”

“Of course!” replies the rabbi.
“Sex is a mitzvah
a good thing within marriage,
to have children!”

“What about different positions?”
asks the man

“No problem,” says the rabbi
“It’s a mitzvah!”

“Woman on top?” the man asks.

“Sure,” says the rabbi.
“Go for it! It’s a mitzvah!”

“Doggy style?”

“Sure! Another mitzvah!”

“On the kitchen table?”

“Yes, yes! A mitzvah!”

“Can we do it on rubber sheets
with a bottle of hot oil,
a couple of vibrators,
a leather harness,
a bucket of honey and a porno video?”

“You may indeed. It’s all a mitzvah!”

“Can we do it standing up?”

“No.” says the rabbi.”

“Why not?” asks the man.

“Could lead to dancing!”